Changes

In May I started a strength and fitness program created for cancer patients and survivors that was recommended to me by my oncologist.  I hoped it would help with the painful joints, fatigue and lack of stamina which are side effects from my treatment for ovarian cancer.  I have never been a physically active person.  I was in good health but I can’t say I was ever physically fit.  I have been overweight most of my life and am not sure whether that fact contributed to or was a result of my lack of physical activity.  The answer is probably both. 

It has been two months now and I am beginning to recognize changes.  I haven’t lost much weight which isn’t the goal of the program but is always mine.  I work out on seven machines and try to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill.  As I spend more time on the machines it has been difficult to complete 30 minutes on the treadmill.  Last Wednesday I left the house early so I would have the time I needed to get in all the exercises and 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I travel 26 miles to the Y where the program takes place and halfway there I said to myself, “I am going to the gym early so I can spend more time on the treadmill?”  That was (as Oprah would say) a light bulb moment.

A couple of weeks ago the instructor mentioned that we would be going on an hour-long hike.  The group appeared to be pleased but I’m sure if there was a snapshot of my face in that moment it would show a look of stark fear.  I felt my fight or flight response kicking in and flight was in the lead.  She reassured us that we would do only what we were able to do and that we could choose to travel the hilly or flat terrain.  If my group was willing so was I.

In the meantime I heard about a ten-week Weight Loss Challenge at the Y that was taught by our same instructor.  I was interested but visions of The Biggest Loser filled my brain.  I watched the premier episode one season where extremely overweight people had to ride an exercise bike for 26 miles that first night.  I was shocked.  I talked to the instructor about it and she reassured me it was not like the TV show.  I asked if she thought I was up for it and she said of course.  I thought about it for a couple of days and then decided I should do it.

The Weight Loss Challenge consists of a weekly meeting a la Weight Watchers and daily exercise.  Every Saturday there is an hour-long hike with two instructors.  I asked, “You expect me to hike twice a week?”  She matter-of-factly answered, “Yes!”  So on Saturday I went on my virgin hike.  There were a few other women, younger and thinner who forged ahead of me.  As we started to go up a hill (ok a little incline) I said, “I don’t think I can do this.”  So my instructor veered me off to the flat terrain.  I was still secretly thinking I couldn’t do it but we started talking.  I begin to tell her about the last five years of my life which I believe could be turned into a Lifetime movie.  As I related intimate details of betrayal, painful reconciliations, more betrayal, long-kept secrets revealed and finally death, I told her I must not be getting the oxygen my brain needs to edit myself.

Before I knew it we had finished the hike.  She asked how I felt.  I felt okay.  I was tired, sore and sweaty but I had accomplished something I wouldn’t even have attempted prior to being in this program.  The program is called Living Strong/Living Well.  The program is not over yet but I think I am already living up the name.